Consider What to Say and How to Say It

 
As Solomon, the writer of the Bible book of Ecclesiastes, penned his sobering exposé on the futility of life, he obviously had strong feelings about his subject. “I hated life,” he said. At one point, he called it the “vanity of vanities.” (Ecclesiastes 2:17; 12:8, ) 


Yet, Ecclesiastes is not a list of Solomon’s frustrations. He did not think it appropriate merely to tell it as it is. In the conclusion of the book, Solomon reveals that he “sought to find the delightful words and the writing of correct words of truth.” (Ecclesiastes 12:10) Another translation says that he “tried to explain these things in the best and most accurate way.”—Contemporary English Version.
 
Solomon evidently realized that he had to keep his feelings in check. In effect, he kept asking himself: ‘Is what I am planning to say really true or accurate? If I use these words, will others find them delightful, acceptable?’ 

By searching for “delightful words” of truth, he was able to keep his own feelings from clouding his thoughts.
 
The result is not only a literary masterpiece but also a wellspring of divinely inspired wisdom on the meaning of life. (2 Timothy 3:16, 17) Could Solomon’s approach to discussing an emotionally charged topic help us to communicate better with our loved ones? Consider an example.
 
Learn to Control Your Feelings
 
For the sake of illustration, let us say that a boy comes home from school carrying his report card and looking dejected. His father looks down the list of subjects and notices a failing grade in one of the classes. The father immediately gets angry, thinking back to the many times the boy put off doing his homework. The father feels like blurting out: “You’re just lazy! If you keep this up, you won’t amount to anything!”
 
Before letting negative feelings control his response, the father does well to ask himself, ‘Is what I’m thinking really true or accurate?’ This question can help him to separate his feelings from the facts. (Proverbs 17:27) 

Is the son really going to be a failure because he is having trouble in one class? Is he characteristically lazy, or is he merely putting off his homework because he is struggling with some of the concepts? The Bible repeatedly emphasizes the value of taking a reasonable, realistic view of matters. (Titus 3:2; James 3:17) To build a child up, a parent needs to speak “correct words of truth.”